you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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