dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
