Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize