Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
