You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
