Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
