Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
