Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
