i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
