whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
