When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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