Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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