I am puke
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
