So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Two words: blizzard sex
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
