duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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