So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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