forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
