you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
