...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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