honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
false alarm. still invincible.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
