Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
