Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
