last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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