New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
