So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
