Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
