im drinking this country out of the recession.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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