bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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