Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
