Pappa wants mamma naked
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
