I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
