Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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