if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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