K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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