My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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