My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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