Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
