half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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