Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
