Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
