The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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