i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize