get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You've changed since you got that strap on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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