i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
