I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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