Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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