I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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