She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
