is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
