I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
