Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
