You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
