The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
