Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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