mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
