im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
