he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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