I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
