Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
