I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
