Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
