She announced her abortion via fbk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
