Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize