It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
