Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
