How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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