My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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