that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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