He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
