Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
