I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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