ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
