what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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