I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
