I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize