What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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