he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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