and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
