and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
